Becoming an Attachment Parent
I never knew there were things such as trouble breastfeeding (I come from Brazil and nearly everyone there breastfeeds. It's only natural, right?), until the day I was talking to a friend on the internet and she told me about how hard it had been for her to breastfeed her baby for 6 months.
I was 6 months pregnant, and I grew much aware of breastfeeding in that discussion. My friend said that the key to success when you have difficulties in breastfeeding is 'orientation, support and persistence'. I kept those words in my mind, in case I would come to need them. That was wise.
Ana Maria was born after 12 hours of a hard, unmedicated labor that turned out into an emergency c-section in the end. That seemed to be the first thing in my way to breastfeed. I stayed in the hospital for 5 days, sleeping for about 1 hour per night, feeling sore and tired, and trying to make my baby nurse. I was helped by a team of puericultrises, and a lactation consultant who were lovely and hardworking. My baby was sleepy all the time and quickly fell asleep whenever she nursed, probably because of the effects of the anesthesia and also because the milk hadn't yet come in. We started giving her supplements, and we came home. Day after day I pumped and waited to have milk. The latch wasn't perfect and she tried to 'chew' the nipple to get milk out of it, which resulted in painful cracks and vasospasms. Every nursing time, before I brought her towards my breast I had to take a deep breath because I knew the pain I was going to feel. My breasts would hurt all the time and I would walk on the street with my hands on my breasts, trying to warm them up to avoid the pain.
It was beginning of august, my midwife was supposed to come to help me, but she went on vacation. So did the pediatrician/lactation specialist. Then my friend suggested I look for an LLL leader, that that was how she was helped, so I did and I came in contact with Ms. Charlotte Yonge. Truly, she was like a heaven-sent angel in that moment. On our first consultation with ms.Yonge, she discovered a lingual frenum on Ana Maria which was probably what had been preventing her of latching on properly, so she showed us some videos and stories on the subject as well. At that point some -not easy- decisions had to be made, and after reflecting on the situation my husband and I decided to take her to the ORL to have a frenotomie done. Meanwhile I did the work at home: Pump, pump, pump, to increase my production. Massage the breasts, spread lanolin on them, more pumping. Those days were long days. I remember sitting on a chair in the living room, completely exhausted, feeling unable to cry, so hopeless and guilty. One of the feelings that maternity seems to bring along with the joy of having a new baby.
I repeated the mantra Orientation-Support-Persistence to myself, and believing in that really helped. Another visit to Charlotte, I sat there on her couch, in tears because of the pain as she helped me, checked on positioning, the latch, the DAL, and gave us directions.
I went home to do what I had been doing for almost 2 months by then: pump. I had to take a break from the latch part and wait my nipples to heal. Luckily I had my husband, so patient and supportive, helping me so closely all the way through this path. He did the housework, he prepared the DAL, stood by me and told me I was doing it right and that we were going to make it.
While one goes through this kind of situation, it can be quite intense because of that specific moment you're living. Alot of thoughts that cross one's mind, not to mention all the emotions we have to deal with because of the hormones. Being oriented and sure of one's decision to breastfeed is really a big part in the process. At one point I heard from a doctor in a consultation that
“I didn't have to go through that, artificial milk was available on the market and it played equally to human milk, plus the baby would feel the pain and stress of the breastfeeding situation.”
He even said breastfeeding is “ok in poor countries, where artificial milk is inaccessible.”
I left the doctor's cabinet feeling so guilty, although I knew what I had set out to do was the very best for my daughter. I WANTED to breastfeed. I quickly came to the conclusion that my daughter was such a fighter and she was so brave to be going through that with me. If she was feeling the stress at that point, I knew she was going to be rewarded afterwards, for good. That was the first challenge we faced together, as a team.
On persisting, with building my milk supply, the frenotomie and cranial ostheopathie, eventually Ana Maria's sucking technique improved and things started to get better. The first sign of improvement came on a very special day, when we left for one month to stay with my family in Brazil.
During the flight Ana Maria didn't show interest in nursing, and as soon as we got to the international airport in Rio I had my breasts full of milk, so I sat down in a corner, put her on the breast and she nursed for almost one hour straight, and I felt no pain. We finally had arrived. Our time in Brazil was really special, surrounded by family and friends, and I started breastfeeding on demand. I can say breastfeeding is one of the best things I've ever experienced, I love our time together, how we bond, and I know a lot more than food is what she is getting from it. Ana Maria is now 6 months old, she has never had problems gaining weight despite those two months of struggling. She rarely cries, doesn’t get sick, is growing amazingly and is starting with table foods now.
[email protected]
Leaving children with grandparents. Hmmm. Sometimes a dilema for all concerned.
Hi everyone,
I have a slight dilemma. Maybe I'm worrying for nothing:
My son is over 3 and a half and has already spent a full week without me several times (with my in-laws whom I love and trust).
My mother-in-law would like to take him for just over 2 weeks at the end of August. Am I crazy for thinking it would be too long?
Should I try to go see him in between for a few days, or should I enjoy the time to myself?
I don't know if it's really that grave but would appreciate your advice!
A.M.
Trust your heart ...
M.F.A. I have the same dilemna with my daughter almost 5 who has never spent more than once 24h without me.
We are now talking about what she would do in the week she would spend at home in Kinkhasa (with her father and house staff) if I fly a week earlier to Paris than previously planned, and if I feel this would be too much for her. I am tempted to change her plane ticket. I’m not sure.
I have never done things any other way, up until now,. I’ve respected her need to be with me all the time, and hadn’t even considered spending a week in Paris without her, taking just my infant daughter, her little sister.
Bisous.
M.F.A. Hello A.M.,
I understand your concern. For us the problem has not really appeared
in this way, since I don't trust my in-laws enough to leave my first born aged 5 alone
with them day and night (and it is worse with my own parents, I will
never leave him alone with them until he is waaaay older and knows how
to defend himself ...). So for the moment he has already spent week-ends
with my in-laws without me, but his father was with him each time
(first time was when he was 3,5 years I think).
I like your idea of going to see your son in the middle of the 2-week stay.
As M.F.A. has said, I think you should trust your own feelings, if you think you won't enjoy your time alone and will worry about your son. Don't feel forced to do it because "that is what people do". The only thing is to say it gently to your mother-in-law. With my MIL, I generally do not
explain anything. I just tell her what we have decided to do, in a practical way, and when sometimes she asks me "Don't trust me to take care of your son ?" I generally I don't answer the question and talk
about something else ... ;-)
Take care,
M.M. Hi A.M.,
I feel your concern is totally normal and that you have to trust your instinct. It seems to me that you've been in tune with your son’s readiness for this up ‘til now so keep on trusting yourself. If you don't want to upset your inlaws too much, going to see him in between might be a good compromise as it doesn't shorten the time your parents-in-law get to spend with him. For our part, our first born daughter, who is four now, has never spent more than overnight away from us both (twice with her french grandma + cousins and several times with my sister and her family) and one weekend away from me but her daddy and I both feel a week would be too long for her. (and for us !) although I can certainly echo what Marie-Florence says about how nice it would be to have that week just with Noah. Having said that, she is really independent and has said she'd like to go and stay with her english grandparents on her own. I said « maybe next year » although it might be a bit much for them! On this subject I would like to add that I think the whole thing of children going off to stay with their grandparents for a week or more at such a young age is either very french or very recent. I don't remember staying alone with my grandparents until I was 7 or 8 and then I remember being really glad to see my mum at the end of the week even though my grandparents were totally lovely with me. I don't remember any of my friends doing so either. Perhaps it's my family/friends who are strange but I'm not sure. Anyone else?
Warmly
H.G. Snap ! First time away from my parents, I was 8. I stayed with my French uncle. Pretty distressing. In France, big Alsatian dog and first electric shock ever, on the Xmas tree. Oh ! And I broke the best Xmas pressie I ever had too . Snif.
Yes and this is a new thing, it's to do with how we are organised socially now (sorry that's a shortcut). However in your place, honestly, I would kind of jump at it, like a shot. Especially as we soooooo need the time alone, just don't know whether I personally could handle that long. Follow your heart Amy.
love
A.B.M. Thanks everyone for all of your great advice. I think i'm going to do a quick visit in-between as you suggest. (and I am lucky to have in-laws I CAN trust... i know now it is not always the case with some parents.)
Bises,
A.M. Hi A.M.
Probably a bit late for my contribution but here it goes.
I first stayed alone with my grandparents when I was 18 months, so my mother coud give birth to my Brother. (laced up in a straight jacket believe it or not! Thats how mothers who refused epidurals got to give birth because they gave a special gas that erased all memory of the birth but thrashed about during it, hurting themselves. But thats besides the point) Because my father refused to touch a single diaper, or boil an egg or anything close to taking care of an 18m old child there would have been nobody to take care of me if I’d stayed at home.
So, at my grandparents, on Vancouver Island, where my grandparents had horses, they were feeding them in the evening and has left me alone in the house watching « General Hospital ». Thats when I found my way over to the horses they were feeding, and got underneath one of them with knitting needles and proceeded to "operate" (like I'd seen on television) on the horse. He kicked me of course, and my right femur snapped in two at the socket. I had to be suspended by my ankles over a hospital bed with only my shoulders touching the bed for 10 weeks for it to heal. Its called « in traction » or in french « traction dans l’axe » (which explains why MY babies cant "engage" in my hips during pregnancy and birth, which got stretched quite narrow, like a BB Bjorn does to a lesser degree)
So that was my first stay away from my mother. I loved my grandmother more than anyone on earth and have always cherished all memories of her. So the stay couldn't have been bad for me except for the logistics of actually taking care of me.
When my second born was just 3, his father and I had started our official sharing of child care, so he decided it was ok to take him for 2 full weeks to Biarritz for his annual pligrimage. I was horrified, but there was no getting around it.
My darling just-3 year old left, laughing and smiling, (while I stiffled my sobbing until he had gone) and he never once asked for me during those 2 weeks. Pffff.
His father sleeps with him, and brings him everywhere with him, even to his 3 times weekly psy sessions. Our son asks about « m. L.B. » from time to time. Thats how I found out the name of his psychiatrist. (my second born’s father been doing an analysis for over 20 years now, three times a week. Hows that for progress ?) The father would never raise a finger on our son. Our son is a tyrant anyway, and rules the roost no matter where he finds himself. The only thing that scares him is if you mention that you will call the police (if he doesn't get into the bath, or get out of the bath, or put his shoes on or whatever). I dont use that technique, I find it abusive, but his father does. Just the mime of putting his hand to his ear as if he was talking on a phone, gets an immediate reaction out of our son. He jumps to attention and does whatever he is supposed to be doing at that point. Its quite impressive.
So a part from pretending to call the police, I have total trust my second born’s fathering. He's lazy and wont take the time to put our son to bed for a siesta so the poor child lies down on the kitchen floor and goes to sleep, if his father is still at the table, or on the floor at the foot of the sofa if his father is watching television. But that doesn’t seem to bother anyone but me.
So... I guess the real question is ; how good does the child feel about the people he would be staying with ? How secure?
On the contrary, I hate leaving my first born with his father. (not the same father as for my second born). I know he suffers emotional blackmail on a daily basis with his father. He learns to cheat and lie and manipulate.
But he's his father. He has to have some sort of relationship with his father. I just have to deal with the damage left.
Thats my contribution for what its worth.
Good luck with your decision. The only thing I really wouldn't do is go to visit halfway. He'll want to come back with you for sure. Having to announce that you're leaving without him will be very very difficult. I think its better to leave once, and when you come back its to take him with you.
Love C.
The Yequana Way
The Unhappy Consequences of Being Child Centered
It appears that many parents of toddlers, in their anxiety to be neither negligent nor disrespectful, have gone overboard in what may seem to be the other direction
Jean Liedloff. Mothering magazine. Winter 1994
It took some time before the significance of what I was looking at sank into my "civilized" mind. I had spent more than two years in the jungles of South America with Stone Age Indians. Little boys traveled with us when we enlisted their fathers as guides and crew, and we often stayed for days or weeks in the villages of the Yequana Indians where the children played all day unsupervised by adults or adolescents. It only struck me after the fourth of my five expeditions that I had never seen a conflict either between two children or between a child and an adult- Not only did the children not hit one another, they did not even argue. They obeyed their elders instantly and cheerfully, and often carried babies around with them while playing or helping with the work, Where were the "terrible twos? Where were the tantrums, the struggle to “get their own way,” the selfishness, the destructiveness and carelessness of their own safety that we call normal? Where was the nagging, the discipline, the “boundaries” needed to curb their contrariness? Where, indeed, was the adversarial relationship we take for granted between parent and child? Where was the blaming, the punishing, or for that matter, where was any sign of permissiveness?
The Yequana Way
There is a Yequana expression equivalent to “Boys will be boys". it has a positive connotation, however, and refers to the boys' high spirits as they run about and whoop and swim in the river or play Yequana badminton (a noncompetitive game in which all players keep the cornhusk shuttlecock in the air as long as possible by batting it with open hands).
I heard many shouts and much laughter when the boys played outdoors, yet the moment they were inside the huts, they lowered their voices to maintain the reigning quiet. They never interrupted an adult conversation. In fact, they rarely spoke at all in the company of adults, confining themselves to listening and performing little services such as passing around food or drink.
Far from being disciplined or suppressed into compliant behavior, these little angels are relaxed and cheerful. And they grow up to be happy, confident, cooperative adults!
How do they do it? What do the Yequana know about human nature that we do not? What can we do to attain nonadversarial relationships with our children in toddlerhood, or later if they have got off to a bad start?
The “Civilized" Experience
In my private practice, people consult me to overcome the deleterious effects of beliefs about themselves formed in childhood. Many of these people are parents keen not to subject their offspring to the kind of alienation they suffered at the hands of their own usually well-meaning parents. They would like to know how they can rear their children happily and painlessly.
Most of these parents have taken my advice and, following the Yequana example, kept their babies in physical contact all day and night until they began to crawl. Some, however, are surprised and dismayed to find their tots becoming “demanding" or angry - often toward their most caretaking parent. No amount of dedication or self sacrifice improves the babies’ disposition. Increased efforts to placate them do nothing but augment frustration in both parent and child. Why, then, do the Yequana not have the same experience?
The crucial difference is that the Yequana are not child centered. They may occasionally nuzzle their babies affectionately, play peek a boo, or sing to them, yet the great majority of the caretaker's time is spent paying attention to something else . . . not the baby! Children taking care of babies also regard baby care as a nonactivity and, although they carry them everywhere, rarely give them direct attention. Thus Yequana babies find themselves in the midst of activities they will later join as they proceed through the stages of creeping, crawling, walking and talking The panoramic view of their future life's experiences, behavior, pace, and language provides a rich basis for their developing participation.
Being played with, talked to, or admired all day deprives the babe of this in-arms spectator phase that would feel right to him. Unable to say what he needs, he will act out his discontentment. He *is* trying to get his caretaker’s attention, yet - and here is the cause of the understandable confusion - his purpose is to get the caretaker to change his unsatisfactory experience, to go about her own business with confidence and without seeming to ask his permission. Once the situation is corrected, the attention getting behavior we mistake for a permanent impulse can subside. The same principle applies in the stages following the in-arms phase.
One devoted mother on the East Coast, when beginning her sessions with me on the telephone, was near the end of her tether. She was at war with her beloved three-year-old son, who was often barging into her, sometimes hitting her, and shouting. "Shut up!” among other distressing expressions of anger and disrespect. She had tried reasoning with him, asking him what he wanted her to do, bribing him, and speaking sweetly as long as she could before losing her patience and shouting at him. Afterward, she would be consumed with guilt and try to “make it up to him” with apologies, explanations, hugs, or special treats to prove her love - whereupon her precious little boy would respond by issuing new ill-tempered demands.
Sometimes she would stop trying to please him and go tight-lipped about her own activities. despite his howls and protestations. If she finally managed to hold out long enough for him to give up trying to control her and calm down, he might gaze up at her out of his meltingly beautiful eyes and say, “I love you, Mommy!” and she, almost abject in her gratitude for this momentary reprieve from the leaden guilt in her bosom, would soon be eating out of his dimpled, jam-stained little hand again. He would become bossy, then angry and rude, and the whole heartbreaking scenario would be replayed, whereupon my client's despair would deepen.
I hear many similar stories from clients in the United States, Canada, Germany, and England, so I believe it is fair to say that this trouble is prevalent among the most well-educated, well-meaning parents in Western societies. They are struggling with children who seem to want to keep their adults under their control and obedient to their every whim. To make matters worse. many people believe that this phenomenon bears witness to the widely held notion that our species, alone among all creatures, is by nature antisocial and requires years of opposition (“discipline,” “socializing”) to become viable, or “good”. As the Yequana, the Balinese, and numerous other peoples outside our cultural orbit reveal, however, such a notion is utterly erroneous. Members of one society respond to the conditioning of their culture like the members of any other.
The Way to Harmony
What, then. is causing this unhappiness? What have we misunderstood about our human nature? And what can we do to approach the harmony the Yequana enjoy with their children?
It appears that many parents of toddlers, in their anxiety to be neither negligent nor disrespectful, have gone overboard in what may seem to be the other direction. Like the thankless martyrs of the in-arms stage, they have become centered upon their children instead of being occupied by adult activities that the children can watch, follow, imitate and assist in as is their natural tendency. In other words. because a toddler wants to learn what his people do, he expects to be able to center his attention on an adult who is centered on her own business. An adult who stops whatever she is doing and tries to ascertain what her child wants her to do is short-circuiting this expectation. Just as significantly, she appears to the tot not to know how to behave, to be lacking in confidence and, even more alarmingly, looking for guidance from *him*, a two or three year-old who is relying on her to be calm, competent, and sure of herself.
A toddler's fairly predictable reaction to parental uncertainty is to push his parents even further off-balance testing for a place where they will stand firm and thus allay his anxiety about who is in charge.
He may continue to draw pictures on the wall after his mother has pleaded with him to desist, in an apologetic voice that lets him know she does not believe he will obey. When she then takes away his markers, all the while showing fear of his wrath, he - as surely as he is a social creature - meets her expectations and flies into a screaming rage.
If misreading his anger, she tries even harder to ascertain what he wants, pleads, explains, and appears ever more desperate to placate him, the child will be impelled to make more outrageous, more unacceptable demands. This he must continue to do until at last she does take over leadership and he can feel that order is restored. He may still not have a calm, confident, reliable authority figure to learn from, as his mother is now moving from the point of losing her temper to the point at which guilt and doubts about her competence are again rearing their wobbly heads. Nevertheless, he will have the meager reassurance of seeing that when the chips were down, she did relieve him of command and of his panicky feeling that he should somehow know what she should do
Put simply, when a child is impelled to try to control the behavior of an adult, it is not because the child wants to succeed, but because the child needs to be certain that the adult knows what he or she is doing. Furthermore, the child cannot resist such testing until the adult stands firm and the child can have that certainty. No child would dream of trying to take over the initiative from an adult unless that child receives a clear message that such action is expected - not wanted, but expected! Moreover; once the child feels he has attained control, he becomes confused and frightened and must go to any extreme to compel the adult to take the leadership back where it belongs.
When this is understood, the parents’ fear of imposing upon their child is allayed, and they see that there is no call for adversariality. By maintaining control, they are fulfilling their beloved child’s needs, rather than acting in opposition to them.
It took my East Coast client a week or two to see the first results of this new understanding After that, generations of misunderstanding and the force of old habits rendered the family's transition to non-adversarial ways somewhat uneven. Today, she and her husband, as well as many of my other clients similarly afflicted, are happily convinced by their own experience that children, far from being contrary, are by nature profoundly social.
Expecting them to be so is what allows them to be so. As the parents’ expectation of sociality in the child is perceived by the child, she or he meets that expectation; likewise; tl'e parents’ experience of sociality in the child reinforces their expectation of it. That is how it works.
In a gracious letter to me, the husband of my East Coast client wrote of his wife, their son, and himself: “(We) have grown and learned and loved together in a miraculous way. Our relationships continue to evolve in a totally positive and loving direction.”
Relactation Victory
When I was pregnant with my first child, M, I had never imagined feeding him any kind of milk but my own. The idea of putting a bottle in his mouth had never occured to me. However, when he was born, I found myself trying to deal with a baby who would hardly ever let go of my breast, demanded to be fed so much more often than I was told was normal and seemed to never get enough of my milk.
The staff at the maternity were unable to give me any valid information, and I went home stressed by my screaming baby who couldn’t get enough milk with a feed every 3 hours. I didn’t know it at the time, but he had developped an inefficient technique at the breast too, because he had been given some bottles of sugar water behind my back while I had had showers at the maternity. (The only moments I had ever let him out of my sight.)
Breast feeding seemed a far cry from the natural, peaceful relationship I had imagined. Cracks set in, and bled while I fed M. I was convinced I didn’t have enough milk for my baby so after 4 months of struggling and suffering, I decided to give my son industrial milk in a bottle.
Initially, I was very relieved to finally have a “settled” baby. However, very soon after I had weaned M to the bottle, I sombred in depression. I felt a failure, useless as a mother.
Two and a half months after I had weaned M from my breast, I was in the shower when I noticed milk pearling at my nipples. I was amased and thrilled. On a whim, I decided to call the local LLL leader. She informed me that it was never too late to start up breastfeeding regardless of the time since weaning.
Unfortunately, M refused to nurse. My milk wasn’t flowing enough for him.
I was put in touch with L C who gave us the tools and the knowledge to succeed. She sent me an SNS. Immediately, the resevoir with its two tiny little tubes enabled us to experience breastfeeding even though M was taking in more industrial milk through it than my milk. I had tried pumping but the results were depressing and insufficient to warrant the time it took. The thing that mattered was that we were re-united in the intimate relationship that we had lost. That was already a first victory.
I fed M at my breast as often as I could during the day, with the SNS ; cue feeding or on demand feeding. Little by little, I noticed with joy that M was consuming less and less industrial cows milk, which meant that he was getting more and more of my milk. Finaly, one day, I decided to take the plunge, and try breastfeeding without the SNS, tube free. For the next 3 days, I nursed M like a newborn, every ten minutes if necessary, in order to stimulate my milk production to the maximum. Finally, by the time M was getting some solids, I was able to nurse him at a “normal” rhythm.
To our mutual greatest satisfaction, our breastfeeding relationship continued until M was 12 months old. Then, to my surprise, he started to turn his head when I offered my breast. I soon realised why, I was 3 months pregnant ! Nothing more natural.
M never nursed during my pregnancy but he did look longingly at my breasts. Sometime after the birth of my second child, who of course was exclusively breastfed, to my relief, M asked to nurse again. He nursed sporadically for a few months then sometime after my second baby’s 6 months, although he was still exclusively breastfed, M began to nurse more often. He went from two or three times a week to two times a day. I am so proud and happy to be able to offer him my milk during what must be a very turbulent time in his life for him.
When I look back, I am still very sad to have lived and put my son through such a chaotic breastfeeding relationship but at the same time I am proud and thrilled to have had the chance together, with my son, to have repaired so much emotional damage. I was not alone, side by side we struggled for the same goal and have been victorious.
M.C.
How Do We Become Attachment Parents?
I am so thrilled to have found this forum (thank you C for
inviting me to join after our phone call) and already look forward to checking in!
I live in the 20th, by the way, so not far from the 19th. Great to know there are some of you nearby. I am planning to come to the singing event in the cafe this Friday too so I really look forward to meeting you there R.
I have been thinking much today about what you asked/wrote, C, about why/how I got into attachment parenting (I think I understood that correctly) and leading on from that how come some of us parents can't imagine anything else but parenting this way and so many others parent their children so differently? I don't believe in thinking there is any ONE right or wrong way to do anything in life, but when it comes to parenting it is hard for me to feel parenting in a non-attachment way can be right. I guess mostly that feeling in me comes from watching, tuning into, feeling with my daughter A.. trying to imagine what she is feeling and going through.
But there is more to it than that, isn't there? How does one become an attachment parent? I guess each of us have a different story and
there is no one answer to this question...
I think for me it has been the combination of my own childhood, my work with children, my reading during pregnancy, a friend who co-sleeps with her children, a great lactation consultant but most importantly.... yes, it is really that that matters I think, most importantly listening to my babies needs. We bought a bedside cot but never used it because our tiny newborn premmie could not sleep anywhere but right next to my breast - and it felt absolutely right for her to be there and absolutely wrong for her to be in the cot. And she needed to breastfeed almost constantly for the first 4 months and nothing else made sense either. And she was always in our arms or a sling (we used a sling until she was 8 months when my back started to hurt too much and she began to sleep in her buggy, but I was sad to stop carrying her and am very interested in the sling you mentioned C.) I didn't find a network like this in London, by the way, but was lucky enough to have two friends with children who shared our values. I found though that the older A is getting the more attachment parents differ from others and the more important like-minded friends become.
Because it can be so strenuous at times too and sometimes you just
need to be understood and share. I guess that's what I am doing as I ramble on... sorry, we had a bit of a bummer day as A is cutting her canines and is really suffering.
Breastfeeding seems the only real relief and she fed most of the day and I am so glad she has this only it is very tiring too. I'm sureyou understand...
I loved the breastfeeding links by the way, what a relief to see REAL living feeding streching breasts (I was getting a bit worried mine were the only ones that don't look like the images we're used too!!)
Goodnite for now,
xx S.B.
C . H . A . T. MAGAZINE
FAMILY
7
Children are really aware of adult communication. From the time that they are very young, they can tell when adults are preoccupied, distracted or not listening. Children, like adults, tune out when they don’t like the tone, lecturing, or lack of listening in a conversation. If they think that their part of the conversation is being ignored or rejected, they become angry or lose interest. Do you know how you come across to your child? What is it like to talk to you? Are you encouraging or discouraging? Are you patient or impatient? Does the expression on your face show interest and respect, or indiff erence and a lack of interest? Most of us have no idea how we really come across to our children.
Most people listen with the intention of replying. We generally listen at one of four diff erent levels: Peaceful Parenting: How to Listen So Your Child Will Talk
By Susan Markel, M.D.
As a “Mom Expert” on ClubMom, the website developed by Meredith Vieira, the host of the Today Show, and as a medical advisor to Attachment Parenting International, Dr. Markel is recognized for her knowledge of child and adolescent development. By teaching eff ective communication skills, she encourages families who are experiencing confl ict to move forward with confi dence.
By counseling families in their homes, Dr. Markel assists parents in making reasonable decisions with regard to the health and well-being of their children. Th ere is no such thing as perfect parenting, but peace of mind is a realistic goal that is not as elusive as it often seems.
As an additional service to her clients, Dr. Markel provides urgent care House Calls from 9AM to 9PM seven days a week, including week-ends and holidays, for the treatment of non-life-threatening illness and injury.
You can contact the doctor directly at 690-6305 or via her website at www.AttachmentParentingDoctor.com. Eff ectively listening to your child requires listening on an entirely diff erent level. It is listening with empathy, listening with the intention to understand, listening for meaning. It involves trying to understand what the child is saying from his or her perspective rather than fi ltering it through your own experiences. It is related to the concept of “seeing through the eyes of a child.” To be an eff ective listener requires personal integrity, skill and commitment. Th e listener must stop trying to evaluate, to judge, or to plan a reply while the child is speaking. Positive communication requires that you listen empathetically and then indicate that you hear what the child is saying. Your empathy can be demonstrated to your child by focus (eye contact), body language, and refl ective listening.
• Focus (eye contact). Focus means that you are looking directly at your child as he or she is speaking and not looking off to one side or continuing to do something else. Face the child squarely with your body. Stop what you are doing. You are focused on what is being said; your child is the center of attention.
• Listening without interrupting. Does your body language acknowledge that you are listening? Use smiles, nods, and expressions of understanding to communicate to your child that you are listening. It is not necessary that you agree or disagree at this time. It is more important that your child knows that his or her words are respected.
• Refl ective listening. Refl ective listening involves hearing the feelings and meanings of your child. It is a re-statement (in diff erent words) of what the child said. You, in essence, mirror the words of your child and rephrase them back, checking for accuracy of understanding. Th is process affi rms the child, indicates a respect of the child, and shows that you understand the child’s message.
1. Not listening. We ignore what is being said and don’t even make an eff ort to understand.
2. Pretending to listen. We may nod from time to time and even tune in when something interests us, but generally we hear very little.
3. Selective listening. We pay attention to only those things that we agree with or that support our positions and beliefs.
4. Attentive listening. We focus on the words and compare it to our own experiences, but pay little attention to the meaning.
You must consciously choose to listen and to be emotionally present. Th ere are too many distractions, too many problems to be solved, too many worries, too many issues that are much more important and compelling than anything that a child is likely to say. You must consciously lay those matters aside and take charge of where your mind is focused.
Listen to your child the way that you would like to be listened to: with honesty, integrity, respect, and fairness. Th is is ultimately about listening to your own needs for inner peace, compassion, love and kindness, for fi nding purpose in your own life and making a positive diff erence in the world.
High Needs vs Different. L.Ls Story.
LLD wrote:
Hello everyone, I have been reading you all for awhile but am new to writing. I hope this is how you go about sending a mass mail to everyone. My name is LLD (Vietnamese American, but Paris based for 10 years now) and my baby is a beautiful bouncy 7month old J. You may have noticed me in some of the LLL meetings. I'm the one pacing the hallways trying to keep J quiet so as to hear what all of you are saying. I'm writing for several reasons but mostly concerning high need babies. I'm very upset that I wasn't in PAris for the LLL meeting on the topic! If any of you went, perhaps you could sum it up for me. I should probably start with the fact that I am very ambivalent about classifying J as high need - most other people who watch us have no qualms in identifying his rather energetic personality traits! I tend to say he is intense: intensely loving, intensely happy, intensely alert, intensely draining! I guess I prefer to think that there is some kind of miracle cure that will transform him into a quiet baby who agrees to lie down / be put down occasionnally; who agrees to nap for more than 20 minutes without me next to him; who agrees to fall asleep and stay asleep without crying to nurse every 45min-hour throughout the night... Somehow, I feel that I just need to find an answer as opposed to this is just the way he is. This rather long and involved preamble leads up to my story with a microkinesitherapeute that C referred me to. I had attended her Pagne PArisienne workshop (a MUST GO for those who have yet to attend) and she commented that J spent most of his life arched backwards (picture a Chinese acrobat touching his head with his feet) and I should definitely consult P.P. I had no idea what a microkine was, I still have only a vague idea; but trusted C and went ahead and made an appointment. I wasn't expcting much honestly. I went and PP lay J on his bed and ... it looked like he was fluttering his hands over my baby. J smiled, babbled, fussed, cried a bit and after 10 minutes Dr. P asked distractedly, "What happenend within the inner emotional circle at 6 months of pregnancy?" I must admit that I was speechless. I had only told him our names, J's date of birth and that I didn't know why I was there except that C had told me to go. Indeed, at 6 months of pregnancy my father was very ill and my husband and I were trying to adjust to our new roles in life. Dr. P said, "Hmmm", fluttered some more than asked me to take J. "It's done" What's done? was what I wanted to ask; did something actually get done? Dr P started straightening his desk, gave me a pamphlet, warned me that J might be tired for a day or two and that the back arching and high strung nerves should calm down within a month. He also added off-handedly a remark that had to do with my couple that he could not have guessed. It was an intelligent, warm and wise bit of advice for a very specific situation. And that was the end of the visit. Almost 2 months later, J only does his Chinese circus routine when he is exhausted and I haven't gotten him into a quiet room to nurse. He now does nap sometimes even for 2 hours when I nap with him (unheard of before where he would nap 20 minutes regardless of whether or not I was napping with him) and is generally a little more mellow. He still needs constant attention during the day but I can get my emails and work done at night between his 45min-hour nursing cries. I'll probably take J back to see P.P when we get back to Paris to see if we can get J onto a better sleep cycle. The constant night nursing and full on daytime attention is getting to me. Work days starting at 11pm and ending at 3am are not good for long stretches of time. I'm still looking for "solutions". Somebody mentioned an osteopathe. Does anyone have any recommendations? And in the end, maybe it's all just normal baby behaviour. He's fun, gregarious, gernerally happy, does sleep 12 hours at night (late mornings are a blessing which make up for all the rest!) if I nurse him every hour. I don't really have much to complain about. And I'm assuming babies eventually nurse less than every 1-2 hours at some point, right? Or do they keep this up until they are eating solids as the bulk of their diet? This was a very long and involved letter which has taken me several nights to complete. Thank you to the courageous few who have ploughed through to the bitter end. For those who are interested, P.P. is a wonderfully, gentle man who does wonders.
C has his information. Take care all, all my best wishes for the New Years and Happy nursing to all the tots out there!
L.L.D and baby J
Hi again L.L.D,
I did plough through and I sympathise intently. It's really interesting about the microkiné.
You are sounding very positive about your experience but I actually don't think it's necessary for a child to be feeding every 1 - 2 hours.
But of course there are babies like that. Mine was actually, but the feeds were not all very long, more like snacks... he was also slow to get into solids.... but by 7 months he was really romping around, and no longer in arms.... but I think mother's milk accounted for at least 90 % of his food at 1 year, although he loved playing with his food...
Bear in mind that the first few months of solids CAN be more time wasting than breastfeeding since the quantities of food you get into your babe can be fairly minimal, especially if you do the spoonfeeding-purée-thing. (ready made food is expensive, and taking time making special food for him and then seeing it wasted is frustrating). I suggest you don't go down that route, if you already have little time for yourself. Try putting safe finger food in front of him for example during your own mealtimes or while you're preparing you meals, bits of fruit to suck or chew with his gums or scrape with his emerging teeth (sized so he can't choke on them), rice cakes, and let him feed himself, and clear up the mess later.
Perhaps you can include in your meals food that you can mash up and spoonfeed him too (potatoes, veg).
It is true that some babies need a lot of attention. Think of ways to allow him to be independant. At his age he can be spending a certain amount of time on the floor getting mobile. This concentrates a lot of energy and that's how they learn!! You don't have to help him do everything. Everytime he squeaks you can just talk to him and encourage him in his independance. As time goes on he will become happy to do things on his own.
For the frequent night nursing refer to the previous messages of the subject. I will have to add to that thread sometime...
But I think it's very brave to try to hold down a job and care for a 7month-old at the same time. It will get better!! Good luck, R.
A few weeks later....
Thank you all for your stories and support. I stopped stressing out, and more importantly resenting that J was different than all the other babies (ie the other bottle fed babies around us) and just accepted that this is all a part of the package. It must have been quite a relief for the poor kid and he is sleeping a little better now. Your support is a godsend!
Love L.L.D.
Healthy Negligence
Caring for Newborns : Developing Trust.
Exerpt from “Immaculate Deception 2” Myth Magic & Birth.
By Suzanne Arms.
For several decades, it has been known that the primary task of a baby in its first months is to develop trust. Anything that impedes that process or teaches a baby that it cannot trust is dangerous and has long-lasting implications. Current studies clearly prove that the one crucial factor in determining a child”s resiliency in tha face of difficulty is whether that child has a primary caretaker who is a constant figure and whom that child can count on and feel safe with. The age for receiving this quality and quantity of care is from birth through the first several years of life. This does not mean that a person needs to spend eight or ten hours a day giving rapt attention to a baby or toddler. Research has shown what tribal cultures have long practiced : that children of all ages, even babies, actually benefit from a fair amount of benign neglect, times when they are left to their own devices, without any outside distraction. Allowed this time, children naturally daydream and drop into meditative states and learn to meet their own spiritual needs. But benign neglect is something altogether different from failing to meet an infant’s or young child’s real needs for human contact and stimulation.
In most tribal cultures babies spend many hours a day bound to an adult’s or older child’s body and during this time, the baby is likely to have no special attention focused upon it whatsoever. The babie’s needs for food and touch, warmth and a feeling of comfort and safety are naturally met while their mothers or other caretakers go about their daily business. the baby is constantly bathed in the sounds of its mother talking or singing, and in periods of silence it listens to the rhythmic sounds of her heartbeat. It feels the swaying of her body as she walks to the stream to fetch water or stoop in the garden or the calm stillness as she rests. Meanwhile, it is free to wander through its own thoughts or feelings. It is not on show or expected to perform to please others. For many months, it seldom tries to express unmet needs, for its needs are met so quickly.
Western visitors to tribal cultures and to countries where babies and children are almost constantly in close physical contact to an adult as he or she goes about daily life remark on how rarely they see young children cry. And adults in these cultures do not find caring for their young to be difficult and stressful. These cultures support people, in maintaining close ties with their young and offer ample social support to parents.
Today, many parents who want to do the very best for their babies and children make a conscious effort to be close and loving and provide stimulation whenever they are able. But most of their day they are separated from their young children and consumed with work, so that they are exhausted during the time they can be with their children. Their attention is tainted with tension. It is difficult to be a good parent to an infant or young child in a culture that requires us to spend so much energy apart from our children, trying to earn the money required to live. Taking leave from work in the first few months of a baby’s life nurtures not only one’s baby but one’s self as well. This is one of the best ways to begin a process of healing, whether it be for a baby who had a traumatic birth or time in a hospital or a parent who long ago was traumatized as a baby.
Crying. Too attached, or a coded message?
I CANT LEAVE THE ROOM WITHOUT BB SCREAMING! HELP!
I am losing confidence in my mothering capacities and attachment parenting.
1. She screams whenever I leave her. My daughter does not seem to like to leave me just for one second. It is getting more and more demanding. This morning, from when she woke up until I left her, she screamed "Mama" when I tried to go to another room. She is in the living room. I needed to take shower...I ended up with putting her next to me in the bathroom....
2. She screams when she is tired but she does not want to go to sleep. She refused to go to sleep. I tried to breast feed her to make her sleep but she just refused it. She screams because she is tired but she just does not want to go to sleep.....
3. She screams during the night looking for my breasts.
4. She creams when she is in the wrap sometimes and when I walk with her inside the wrap. For a while she is quite but then she starts to scream.
5. She screams when I try to change her clothes or nappies.
6. She screams when I try to put her down on the floor. Then when I pick her up, she smiles. Is she doing that intentionally or is she trying to see how far she can go with me????
My daughter is 8 months. Is that the age of screaming???? My colleague said to not let her do that.
Any advice?
Thank you. S.
Dear S,
I am sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time. Would it help you to hear that, at that age, a baby is never manipulative?
So it probably means something. You're doing a wonderful job. Things will get better at some stage. Some reading might help. Have you heard of Dr Sears?
Lots of love
H.
Dear S,
A is 8 months (and one week) and she only screams when something is wrong.
For example, she cries and wants to be held all the time when she is teething (which she has been doing for the last month and a half - teeth can take an extremely long time to come in...)and also she can get that way when she is really overtired. Does your baby take enough naps? Every baby is different so I can only say what's happening with A right now, but it seems to me that it's an age where everything is new and exciting and there's also a lot of physical evolution going on (at least in A's case - she is starting to walk at what strikes me as an extremely early age...) As a result, right now, A is much more tired than usual from all that physical activity, and has a very hard time taking naps because everything is just so interesting. I've started putting her to bed earlier at night and she sleeps for almost 14 hours (with of course several awakenings during the night to nurse.) Getting a little more sleep can have a dramatic effect on a baby's temperament. Maybe try to get your baby to sleep more, using whatever means you can (sling, lying down with her, carrying her...) Just a note here about sleeping in slings - Anna very abruptly stopped being able to sleep in the sling. Maybe there's an age where babies sleep better lying down in a bed? Again, every baby is different so you just have to experiment. Good luck...
A
ALL my 4 kids have done that. I've never had a shower by myself during all these years. T throws all my clothes and my shoes into the bath when I'm trying to shower.
ALL my kids have insisted they go to the toilet with me too which I've tolerated, I must confess for about three years for each one of them before I put an end to it. So in the end it will be 3 years multiplied by 4 = 12 years with someone in the toilet with me.
This reminds me of N my third child. The only way to stand this is to give in. Do you cosleep ? I discovered cosleeping with N. IT saved my life.
Because strangely, it did not improve his awakenings at night (which I now realise were partly due to allergies) but did improve immensely. Also, overnight it affected how he was during the day.
4. She creams when she is in the wrap sometimes. When I walk with her inside the wrap, for a while she is quite but then she starts to scream...
J, my eldest did that. She got bored very rapidly and wanted to see what was going on outside, from inside the sling and the scenery had to change all the time. So I had to turn her to facing the street regardless of whatever I was doing AND to move a lot. Very handy indeed !
She screams when I tried to change her clothes or nappies.
All my kids did that at one point or another too. My trick is to make them laugh (faces, tickles, and our family stupid joke is to smell the baby's feet and pull an extremely exagerated face and say "yako"! even if they're crying they just can't help laughing and then want more.
6. She screams when I try to put her down on the floor. Then when I pick her up, she smiles. Is she doing that intentionally, or is she trying to see how far she can go with me???? My daughter is 8 months. Is that the age of screaming????
Yes it is. That's when they really realize that you can go. That is when they get frightened. Even more when one goes to work outside the home, and they know it does happen.
My colleague said not to let her do that...
Typical.
You child is behaving perfectly normally for her age I'm afraid.
M.
Being the mom to a high needs child, I can mainly offer sympathy. At 8 months, your daughter is developing so that she can physically remove herself from you. Probably as a self-protection thing, lots of babies get clingier at this stage. Also, there is that issue of permenance in that they don't fully understand that you will re-appear when you are out of sight. When they are younger, they are more willing to accept someone else as a substitute. It makes this time a tough stage. Do take her in the bathroom with you. Either sit her in a bouncy chair next to the shower, leaving the curtain or door open enough for her to see you and playing peekaboo with her as you shower, or take her in the shower with you. For me, with both children, I had to view this time as a way to make showering more water efficient to keep from going nuts. That doesn't help with the rest of life's tasks though. You can wear your babe through most other things.
No choice that I found except for screaming with my daughter while putting on clothes. I do set my bb on a table top that I stand next to while dressing so she is very close to being in my arms, but she still screams through it on lots of days. Since she doesn't like to go on my back using a knife while cooking is sometimes almost impossible since she seems to want to help. I'm using the present because she does still have those times at 17 months. But it's only when she's tired, teething, or something else like that. They do get more independent with time. And the security, comfort, and attachment you give her now will help her and you later. I can attest to this with my son, who is 4.5 years. But it's really tough when the people around you are saying they would not tolerate this behavior. At 8 months, they really do need to be in close contact with their mom still. Nine months in, nine months on, and nine months on and off. Or 18 months on and off, it seems for me, at this moment. But she's only at 8 months of the on and off. And sometimes those last parts are the hardest. And there are times beyond 18 months that they definitely need to go back on for nursing and such, so that little 9,9,9 thing isn't really true. Now I'm talking about it needing to be longer when your babe hasn't even got her full 9 months on yet. That's a reflection from my daughter there. Back to you. Not letting a baby do that, like those other folks are saying, what does that mean? Letting her cry until she learns that her needs are unimportant and not to bother asking or trying anymore? That's not something I want to teach my children. Keep up the good mothering S. Love T
F is 8 1/2 month and I still take him into the loo with me - I sit him up and give him something to play with (anything!) - and do the same when I have a bath. He cries every time I leave the room - sometimes I can leave him for a maximum of about 5 minutes. I felt bad and guilty too until I realised that this is totally normal behaviour!
Sometimes he won't nurse to sleep, but he will go to sleep if I rock him and sing to him. In fact last week he wouldn't go to sleep until I put him up on the pillow (we co-sleep) and left him alone...I was so fed up I just decided to leave him there until he wanted to nurse, and the next thing he fell asleep!
Remember this is teething time and the pain is there for a long time before the teeth arrive. Perhaps try giving her some Doloprane (paracetamol) before going to sleep to see if it makes a difference.
Your baby cannot possibly manipulate you at this age. You can't 'make' her stop crying. You are doing a wonderful job by responding to her as much as you can. It might not feel like it now, but you are teaching her that you are there, and she is learning to be a secure little person. I think your colleague should go and jump in a lake (figuratively speaking, of course!). You're a wonderful mum with a normal baby - keep up the good work!
M.
Dear S,
It must make you desperate sometimes. I really feel for you. Maybe she is trying to tell you something. "Active listening" is a "technique" you can even try with babies. from Thomas Gordon "Parent effectiveness training", or "How to talk so your kids will listen, and listen so your kids will talk" by Faber and Mazlish) Try to tell her what you think she is trying to say. Instead of just picking her up. You could say:
Oh you're worried because I'm going out of the room?.
And it's never too early to start telling him or her what YOU need when this begins to conflict (Gordon's "I-messages"). Maybe they will actually understand.
There is a book a friend of mine talked about which talks about "écouter les pleurs....".
This friend of mine is far from a "let-them-cry-it-out-alone" type (she carries her 3rd child 24 hours a day, she is literally never put down except maybe to change her nappy).
Anyway the author of this book suggests that it is not always a good thing to try to stop a child crying, that crying is physiological process of relieving tension (even adults need to do it sometimes and there's nothing worse than being told "oh don't cry, there there, it's not so bad...").
Babies must need it even more since they have no other way of expressing their emotion or frustrations. Listen to the baby crying, holding her of course, as
if you are really listening to her pouring out her heart, but not as though you are responsible for the crying.
Most consciencious mothers do their best to stop their babies crying because it pulls on their heart strings, (actually it's the same with older children also, most
parents find their children crying almost unbearable and want it to stop immediately) but you don't have to feel guilty that you can't get her to stop crying. Assuming you have eliminated the possible reasons (hunger, wet nappy, pain etc). She'll know you're there for her and you are "listening" to her, intently.
I'll try to find out the name of the book. Anyway I haven't any experience of this myself but my friend said it's been really helpful for the 2 of her children for whom she tried "listening" to their crying. They are much more relaxed than the other one. I am not suggesting letting your babies cry it out alone!! Quite the opposite. Good luck
R
Thank you for everyone who responded to me. The worst thing is that I feel so ashamed at having lost confidence in being a mother. I see lots of public images "being mother", super mummy or good mother. I feel like a "failure" bieng unable to cope with all the screaming. I am doing my best. I sleep with her. I take her everywhere I go, but still she screams for love and attention. Alright, I said to myself, I cannot be a super mum but at least I want to be an OK mummy.
When I am outside with my bb, I feel public eyes whenever she screams and I feel a "failure".
Well, I will try to put her in the sling as her facing the world, and try to active-listen to her whenver she screams.
I feel so relieved to hear that it is normal that she screams. Ifeel much better.
I have gained hope and confidence to keep going as an OK mummy.
Thank you very much. S.
S, women used to raise their children in communities. Now we do it alone, and it is very lonely and we get no relief from our babies' normal high demands, which is almost unhuman. Most people continue with their regular lives, regardless of the baby's needs, and have wrong ideas about it. So no wonder we get exhausted, guilty and discouraged ! You certainly are doing the right thing for your child. If you feel too down though you might want to organize some help from friends or whoever feels right to you. I think it is important to find some kind of balance between your baby's needs and what you can do. Meeting on discussion lists is fine, doesn't replace a real presence though.
Around 8 months (some earlier others later, some lightly others strongly) any baby goes through phases like that anxious period of becoming aware of her own self separated from her mom's. Huge experience, over a long time sometimes, is required for some of them, a lot of reassurance, before they feel secure without their mothers’ presence. Therefore we feel like demands are big and needs are high. That is also the time she might get that experience with that throw-away-and-get-back game : experiencing alternatively, separation and closeness, joined to the vertical throwing : experiencing the 3rd dimension (space/room) and integrating it. All this, plus teething, and everything that is related to the developping motricity and what it reveals to the baby as they go through all these changes, are alone very good reasons to be high demanding, aren't they ?
Warmly, V
Crying it out, how hard it is to watch…
Last autumn when our baby, M, was 6 months old, we visited people we knew with a little girl and a 4 month old. It was awful, one of the worst weekends ever. Why? because they’d chosen the cry-it-out method with their children.
I managed to get through it by thinking it would soon be over. The worst was not being able to say or do anything. I didn't actually know them very well. The husband was someone F had met at work and got on with and we didn't really know much about their opinions on child care. Anyway, they had two children so as you can imagine we, with our 6 month old, couldn't really question their methods. And although I was itching to pick the baby up and hold her a little, I just held our baby a little closer to me and held my breath.
So we couldn’t say anything about what they were doing but we did answer their questions about what we did and assumed the fact that M stayed up all through dinner and until we went to bed. The mother asked me 'what would happen if you just put her in bed on her own' and I replied, 'well she wouldn't go to sleep and she'd cry' and left it at that. I could tell she was itching to tell me to do it and they really saw the whole crying out thing as something to be proud of having got through, like a sacrifice you have to make to be a good parent, not an over indulgent one like us being the implication. The mother was breastfeeding and said she enjoyed it although she was a bit taken aback by my on demand approach (yes on demand really means every time). When we talked about how long and I said I wanted to continue as long as M wanted she said it made her think it might be worth carrying on longer and she was really impressed by the wrap, M slept for 2hours in it while we were out walking.
It was just so sad, the baby, V, smiled once over two days and F was saying to me, 'do you think it's just her age' and I was replying 'no, I think it's because she's only picked up to be fed, and even then only when her mother thinks she should be hungry'. It was like in the continuum concept; I only saw them interact with her once. The room we slept in was the coldest in the house and the furthest from downstairs and they told us that was where they’d put her in the beginning so they wouldn’t hear her. At one point when we were eating she was crying in her bouncy seat. The mother said, ‘oh she’s probably tired’ and so the father lifted her out, she stopped crying, and put her in her pram, she started crying again. His reaction? He placed the pram as far away from the table as possible so she wouldn’t disturb us.
It was really hard not to say anything but we were staying at their place, 2.5hr drive from Paris and I would have found it rude to comment, but at the same time it's hard. We wouldn't go and stay with them again and both agreed the weekend was awful. What I found particularly hard was that it upset M to experience parents not responding to their baby's needs, she seemed to want me to respond to the other baby and I found myself explaining to her that the baby's mummy would respond, that it would be okay. In fact since then, whenever another baby cries I watch her reaction and always explain to her what that baby's mummy or carer is doing and why the baby's crying.
The whole thing made me realise that I couldn't really be friends with someone whose opinions on parenting are so alien to my own. In the end parenting ends up being a philosophy and one that's very divisive. I like to keep an open mind and to remember that all parents are doing what they really believe is best for their baby but I also tend to spend time with those people whose ideas are closer to my own. I think I need that support to nurture my own fragile tentative at parenthood, to keep me going when it’s hard and I need reminding why I’m doing it this way, attachment parenting or whatever you want to call it.
HG.
Becoming an Attachment Parent. Education, Support, Confidence, Strenth, Politics.
Again, another colleague has decided not to breast feed. I felt lost and sad. I asked why. She said that it did not work. The bottle is much easier. Why do the people like the easier way? Another friend lets her baby cry because it's easier. All babies cry so why care? She said. I am always looking after my baby. I am always taking care of my baby. I do not want to let my baby cry. My friend keeps saying you must be separated from your bb. You are too close to her. All those comments and critcisms lower my motivation and confidence.
Why do I continue to breast feed? Because it's best for my bb.
Why did I start to breast feed? Becuase it was normal for me.
Why do I care for my bb so much? Because I love her so much.
Why do I not let her cry? Because I want to understand her.
Why do I sleep with her? Because I want to share everything with her.
How do I keep going? Because she smiles at me each time she sees me. She loves me. She wants me. She needs me.
So I want to ask you the same questions, to encourage me, to be sure that I am not alone.
Thank you.
S
I feel so sad when I see mothers with tiny babies shopping for bottles. I want to say something to them, to tell them that there is no better way of enjoying your child than breast-feeding, that it is such a pleasure to sleep with your baby and to cuddle them as much as you want to. How can you be too close to your baby? She came out of your body! Separation is a natural process: she came out of your body naturally and as she grows, and you grow, the separation will continue to be natural. I think that the philosophy that you will damage your baby by being too close is evil, and it has made millions and millions of lives unhappy. Your friend probably just wants what she thinks is best for you, I'm sure she believes she is right. But you know with all your heart what is right for you and your baby.
I breastfeed my baby because I can't imagine doing anything else. My whole body feels revolted if I think about giving him a bottle. He loves it, and so do I. I was recently in South Africa, and at least 3 strangers (women) asked me if I was breast-feeding, and when I said 'yes!' they said 'Well done! Good for you! Keep it up!'. They were so happy, so pleased.
I can't stand it when my baby cries. My whole world collapses into pain. I have to make it stop. I know that if I ignore it I will stop feeling my baby's pain, and a very special and sensitive part of me will die. I would be less of a woman than I was. Less of a mother. There can be nothing wrong with offering comfort when my baby needs it, or alleviating his profound fear.
But you have to be a mother to understand that. A real mother. You can't explain it to someone who doesn't feel that way anyway, in the same way as you can't describe what it's like to be a parent to a non-parent. You know what they're missing, but they don't.
I hope I've answered your questions one way or another. You're a wonderful mother! Keep going!
M
I overheard this extraordinary convesation between two male Oxford University students (Oxford University being the elite university in the UK):
Student A: my mother breastfed me until I was three years old.
Student B: my mother breastfed me until I was twelve or thirteen.
Student A: last time you told me that it was nine (!)
Not a conversation you hear every day! I think the English culture has a very different view towards breastfeeding than the French - all of the mothers I've met here in the UK breastfeed their babies, and almost all of them carry on for at least a year. Having said that, the 'health visitor' told me I should be thinking about weaning and that my baby must learn independence by putting himself to sleep. I smiled politely and didn't hit her. It seems to me the medical proffessionals are about as stupid and uninformed as in France, but breastfeeding itself is more a part of the culture. M.
101 REASONS TO BREASTFEED :
ProMoM Inc. - Promoting the awareness and acceptance of breastfeeding.
Written by Leslie Burby, brought to you by ProMoM.
© 1998-2001 ProMoM, Inc. All rights reserved. (Revised June 14, 2001.)
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends it
According to the most recent statement of the Academy, "Human milk is the preferred feeding for all infants, including premature and sick newborns. It is recommended that breastfeeding continue for at least the first 12 months, and thereafter for as long as mutually desired."
A.A.P. Breastfeeding Policy Statement: Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk (http://www.aap.org/policy/re9729.html)
Breastfeeding promotes bonding between mother and baby
The American Dietetic Association promotes breastfeeding and believes that "the bonding that occurs during breastfeeding makes it a special choice."
ADA Website: http://www.eatright.org
Breastfeeding stimulates the release of the hormone oxytocin in the mother's body. "It is now well established that oxytocin, as well as stimulating uterine contractions and milk ejection, promotes the development of maternal behavior and also bonding between mother and offspring." Uvnas-Moberg, Eriksson: Breastfeeding: physiological, endocrine and behavioral adaptations caused by oxytocin and local neurogenic activity in the nipple and mammary gland.
Acta Paediatrica, 1996 May, 85(5):525-30
Breastfeeding satisfies baby's emotional needs
All babies need to be held. Studies have shown that premature babies are more likely to die if they are not held or stroked. There is no more comforting feeling for an infant of any age than being held close and cuddled while breastfeeding. While many bottle-feeding parents are aware of the importance of cradling their babies while offering the bottle, some are not. Even for parents with good intentions, there is always the temptation to prop up a bottle next to the child, or, when the baby is a little older, to let the child hold his/her own bottle and sit alone. This is emotionally unsatisfying to baby, and can be dangerous physically. An unsupervised child can choke. Also, propping up bottles overnight leads to tooth decay.
Breast milk provides perfect infant nutrition
"Human milk is uniquely superior for infant feeding and is species-specific; all substitute feeding options differ markedly from it. The breastfed infant is the reference or normative model against which all alternative feeding methods must be measured with regard to growth, health, development, and all other short and long-term benefits."
A.A.P. Breastfeeding Policy Statement: Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk (RE2729)
Not breastfeeding increases mother's risk of breast cancer
It's been known for several years that breastfeeding is associated with lower rates of pre-menopausal breast cancer. Now a new study from China has concluded that a woman who breastfeeds for 24 months of her life has only half the risk of developing breast cancer as a woman who breastfeeds for 1 - 6 months. Protection increases to 75% for those who breastfeed for a total of 109 months. This held true for both pre-menopausal and post-menopausal cancers.
Zheng et al, "Lactation Reduces Breast Cancer Risk in Shandong Province, China" Am. J. Epidemiol. 152 (12): 1129
Newcomb PA, Storer BE, Longnecker MP, et al. "Lactation and a reduced risk of premenopausal breast cancer." N Engl J Med. 1994;330:81-87
Formula feeding increases baby girls' risk of developing breast cancer in later life
Women who were formula-fed as infants have higher rates of breast cancer as adults. For both premenopausal and postmenopausal breast cancer, women who were breastfed as children, even if only for a short time, had a 25% lower risk of developing breast cancer than women who were bottle-fed as infants.
Freudenheim, J. et al. 1994 "Exposure to breast milk in infancy and the risk of breast cancer". Epidemiology 5:324-331
Formula Feeding is associated with lower I.Q.
Human breast milk enhances brain development and improves congnitive development in ways that formula can not. One study has found that the average I.Q. of 7 and 8 year children who had been breastfed as babies was 10 points higher than their bottle fed piers. All of the children involved had been born prematurely and tube fed the human milk, indicating that the milk itself, not the act of breastfeeding, caused this difference in I.Q. level.
Another study to support this statement was done in New Zealand. An 18-year longitudinal study of over 1,000 children found that those who were breastfed as infants had both higher intelligence and greater academic achievement than children who were infant-formula fed.
Horwood and Fergusson, "Breastfeeding and Later Cognitive and Acadenic Outcomes", Jan 1998 Pediatrics Lucas, A., "Breast Milk and Subsequent Intelligence Quotient in Children Born Preterm." Lancet, 1992; 339:261-262Vol. 101, No. 1
Morrow-Tlucak M, Haude RH, Ernhart CB. "Breastfeeding and cognitive development in the first 2 years of life". Soc Sci Med. 1988:26;635-639
Lucas A., "Breast Milk and Subsequent Intelligence Quotient in Children Born Preterm". Lancet 1992;339:261-62
Wang YS, Wu SY. "The effect of exclusive breastfeeding on development and incidence of infection in infants." J Hum Lactation. 1996; 12:27-30
Breast milk is always ready and comes in a nicer package than formula does
Need we say more?
Breast milk helps pass meconium
Babies are born with a sticky tar-like substance called meconium in their intestines. Colostrum, or early milk, is uniquely designed to help move this substance through the infant's body.
Breast milk contains immunities to diseases and aids in the development of baby's immune system.
Formula provides neither of these benefits. "Breastfed babies have fewer illnesses because human milk transfers to the infant a mother's antibodies to disease. About 80% of the cells in breast milk are macrophages, cells that kill bacteria, fungi, and viruses. Breastfed babies are protected in varying degrees from a number of illnesses including, pneumonia, botulism, bronchitis, staphylococcal infections, influenza, ear infections, and German measles. Furthermore, mothers produce antibodies to what ever disease is present in their environment, making their milk custom-designed to fight diseases their babies are exposed to as well."
Williams RD, "Breast-Feeding Best Bet for Babies", U.S. Food and Drug Administration Statement: http://www.fda.gov/fdac/features/895_brstfeed.html
Koutras, A.K., "Fecal Secretory Immunoglobulin A in Breast Milk vs. Formula Feeding in Early Infancy". J. Ped Gastro Nutr 1989.
Breast milk is more digestible than formula
"Babies can digest human milk more easily than the milk of other animals, probably because human milk contains an enzyme that aids in this process. Breast milk forms softer curds in the infant's stomach than cow's milk (the basis for most formulas) and is more quickly assimilated into the body system. While it contains less protein than does cow's milk, virtually all the protein in breast milk is available to the baby. By contrast, about half the protein in cow's milk passes through the baby's body as a waste product. Similarly, iron and zinc are absorbed better by breastfed babies."
The Complete Book Of Breastfeeding M.S. Eiger. MD, S. Wendkos Olds, Copyright 1972, 1987 Comstock, Inc., Workman Publishing Co., Inc., 708 Broadway, New York, NY 10003
Baby's suckling helps shrink mother's uterus after childbirth
"Nursing will help you to regain your figure more quickly, since the process of lactation causes the uterus (which has increased during pregnancy to about 20 times its normal size) to shrink more quickly to its pre-pregnancy size. "
The Complete Book Of Breastfeeding M.S. Eiger. MD, S. Wendkos Olds Copyright 1972, 1987 Comstock, Inc., Workman Publishing Co., Inc. 708 Broadway, New York, NY 10003
The uterus of the non-breastfeeding mother will never shrink back to its pre-pregnant size. It will always remain slightly enlarged.
Chua S, Arulkumaran S, Lim I et al. "Influence of breastfeeding and nipple stimulation on postpartum uterine activity." Br J Obstet Gynaecol 1994; 101:804-805
Baby's suckling helps prevent post-partum hemorrhage in mother
Nursing her baby causes the mother's body to release oxytocin, which stimulates contractions which help shrink the uterus back to pre-pregnancy size while expelling the placenta. These contractions also shut off the maternal blood vessels that formerly fed the baby and discourage excessive bleeding. Women who choose not to breastfeed must be given synthetic oxytocin to insure against hemorrhaging.
Chua S, Arulkumaran S, Lim I et al. "Influence of breastfeeding and nipple stimulation on postpartum uterine activity." Br J Obstet Gynaecol 1994; 101:804-805
Nursing helps mom lose weight after baby is born
Breastfeeding requires an average of 500 extra calories per day.
Dewey KG, Heinig MJ, Nommwen LA. "Maternal weight-loss patterns during prolonged lactation. "Am J Clin Nutr 1993;58:162-166
Breastfeeding mothers generally lose weight faster than bottle feeding moms. "They experience quicker slimming of the abdoment, and decreased risk for developing breast and ovarian cancer, as well as osteoporosis."
Statement by American Dietetic Association
Mothers who breastfed exclusively or partially had significantly larger reductions in hip circumference and were less above their pre-pregnancy weights at 1 month postpartum than mothers who fed formula exclusively."
Kramer, F., "Breastfeeding reduces maternal lower body fat." J. Am Diet Assoc 1993; 93(4):429-33
Pre-term milk is specially designed for premature infants
"Milk produced by women who deliver prematurely differs from that produced after a full-term pregnancy. Specifically, during the first month after parturition, pre-term milk maintains a composition similar to that of colostrum.."
Hamosh, Margit, PhD, Georgetown University Medical Center "Breast-feeding: Unraveling the Mysteries of Mother's Milk".
The World Health Organization and UNICEF recommend it
"...breastfeeding is an unequalled way of providing ideal food for the healthy growth and development of infants; ... it forms a unique biological and emotional basis for the health of both mother and child; ...the anti-infective properties of breast milk help to protect infants against disease; and ... there is an important relationship between breastfeeding and child spacing".(Emphasis added)
(See The WHO/UNICEF International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes).
Breastfeeding protects against Crohn's disease (intestinal disorder)
Crohn's Diease is a form of inflammatory bowel disease that causes inflammation extending into the deeper layers of the intestinal wall. It is difficult to treat, but several studies have shown that breastfeeding may help babies avoid developing the disease.
Koletzko S, Sherman P, Corey M, et al. "Role of infant feeding practices in development of Crohn;s disease in childhood." Br Med J. 1989;298:1617-1618
Rigas A, Rigas B, Blassman M, et al. "Breast-feeding and maternal smoking in the etiology of Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis in childhood." Ann Epidemiol. 1993;3387-392
Formula feeding increases risk of baby developing type I (juvenile, insulin-dependent) diabetes
There are many studies linking development of juvenile diabetes to lack of breastfeeding. The results of a recent study in Finland suggest that at introduction of dairy products at an early age, and high milk consumption during childhood increase the level of cow's milk antibodies in the children's systems. This factor is independently associated with increased risk of insulin dependent diabetes.
Virtanen et al: "Diet, Cow's milk protein antibodies and the risk of IDDM in Finnish children." Childhood Diabetes in Finland Study Group. Diabetologia, Apr 1994, 37(4):381-7
Mayer, EJ, Hamman RF, Gay EC, et al. "Reduced risk of IDDM among breast-fed children". Diabetes, 1988;37:1625-1632
Virtanen SM, Rasanen L, Aro A, et al. "Infant feeding in Finnish children <7 yr of age with newly diagnosed IDDM" Diabetes Care, 1991;14:415-417
Gerstein HC. "Cow's milk exposure and type 1 diabetes mellitus". Diabetes Care. 1994;17:13-19
Borch-Johnson, K., et al., "Relation between breastfeeding and incidence of insulin-dependent diabetes mellitus". Lancet 2:1083-86 (1984)
Breastfeeding baby helps decrease insulin requirements in diabetic mothers
Reduction in insulin dose postpartum was significantly greater in those who were breastfeeding than those who were bottle feeding.
Davies, H.A., "Insulin Requirements of Diabetic Women who Breast Feed." British Medical Journal, 1989
Breastfeeding may help stabilize progress of maternal endometriosis
Endometriosis is a disease in which the endometrial tissue in a woman's body begins to form in places other than her uterus, such as on her ovaries, fallopian tubes, and the outer surface of the uterus. This tissue continues to function like uterine tissue would in the uterus, and sheds once a month during the woman's menstrual cycle. Since there is no vaginal outlet for this blood and tissue, painful complications, including sterility, may result. There is much clinical research showing that pregnancy temporarily stops the progress of this disease. Many women say that the disease also seems to be alleviated by breastfeeding. It certainly makes sense that the delay in the return of a woman's menstrual cycle would be desirable in preventing the endometriosis from starting up again. Some women even claim a permanent cure. After nursing her children for a total of 27 months, one woman stated, "Even today, my periods are still regular, my ovulation normal and predictable, and I have forgotten that pain, like a fist in the stomach that used to keep me awake at night so often".
Annie Havard, "Breastfeeding - a cure for endometriosis", Allaiter ajourd'hui, Quarterly Bulletin of LLL France, No. 25, Oct. - Dec. 1995
Not breastfeeding increases mother's risk of developing ovarian cancer
Based on the research, for every 1.6 women who do not breastfeed, only one woman who does will develop ovarian cancer.
Gwinn ML, "Pregnancy, breastfeeding and oral contraceptives and the risk of Epithelial ovarian cancer." J. Clin. Epidemiol. 1990; 43:559-568
Rosenblatt KA, Thomas DB, "Lactation and the risk of Epithelial ovarian cancer". Int J Epidemiol. 1993;22:192-197
Schneider, AP "Risk Factors for Ovarian Cancer". New England Journal of Medicine, 1987.
Not breastfeeding increases mother's risk of developing endometrial cancer
A World Health Organization study has shown that the longer a woman breastfeeds, the less likely she is to get endometrial cancer.
Rosenblatt, KA et al "Prolonged lactation and endometrial cancer" Int. J. Epidemiol. 1995; 24:499-503
Petterson B, et al. "Menstruation span- a time limited risk factor for endometrial carcinoma". Acta Obstst Gyneocol Scand 1986;65:247-55
Formula feeding increases chances of baby developing allergies
"Breastfed babies have fewer allergies than artificially fed babies, This is especially important if your family has a history of allergies. Many babies are allergic to cow's milk formulas. some babies are even allergic to soy formulas. Breastfeeding protects against other allergies, such as atopic eczema, food allergies , and respiratory allergies."
Wiggins, PK , Dettwyler, KA" Breastfeeding: A Mother's Gift", July 1, 1998 ed., Chapter 1, L.A. Publishing Co.
Merrett, TG, et al., "Infant Feeding and Allergy: Twelve Month Prospective Study of 500 Babies Born in allergic Families." American Allergy, 1988; 13-20
Lucas A, Brooke OG, Morley R, et al. "Early diet of preterm infants and development of allergic atopic disease: randomized prospective study". Br Med J. 1990:300:837-840
Halken S, Host A, Hansen LG, et al. "Effect of an allergy prevention programme on incidence of atopic symptoms in infancy". Ann Allergy. 1992;47:545-553
Saarinen UM, Kajossari M. "Breastfeeding as prophylaxis against atopic disease: prospective follow-up study until 17 years old." Lancet. 1995;346:1065-1069
Breast milk lowers risk of baby developing asthma
Breastfed babies have lower risk for developing recurrent wheezing when they are older (age 6 or more).
Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Med., July 1995
Formula feeding increases baby's risk of otitis media (ear infections)
"Otitis media is up to 3-4 times more prevalent in formula-fed infants".
Aniansson G, Alm B, Andersson B, et al. "A prospective cohort study on breast-feeding and otitis media in Swedish infants". Pediatr Infect Dis J. 1994; 13:183-188
Duncan, B et al "Exclusive breastfeeding for at least four months protects against Otitis Media", Pediatrics 91(1993): 897-872
Kovar MG, Serdula MK, Marks JS, et al. "Review of the epidemiologic evidence for an association between infant feeding and infant health." Pediatrics. 1984:74:S615-S638
Saarinen UM. "Prolonged Breast Feeding as prophylaxis for recurrent otitis media." Acta Paediatr Scand. 1982;71:567-571
Formula feeding may increase risk of sudden infant death syndrome (S.I.D.S.)
There are a number of studies showing a link between lack of breastfeeding and S.I.D.S. It has been found that for each month of breastfeeding, the chance of S.I.D.S. is reduced by 50% compared to formula fed babies.
Fredrickson, DD et al., "Relationship between Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and Breastfeeding Intensity and Duration." Am. Journal of Diseases in Children, 1993: 147:460
Ford RPK, et al ."Breastfeeding and the Risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome." International Journal of Diseases in Children, 1993, 22(5):885-890
Taylor BJ, Mitchell EA, et al. "Breastfeeding and the risk of sudden infant death syndrome. Int J. Epidemiol. 1993;22:885-890
Mitchell EA, Taylor BJ, Ford RPK, et al. "Four modifiable and other major risk factors for cot death: the New Zealand Study"J Paediatr Child Health. 1992;28:S3-S8
Scragg LK, Mitchell EA, Tonkin SL, et al. "Evaluation of the cot death prevention programme in South Auckland." NZ Med J. 1993;106:8-10
Breastfeeding protects baby against diarrheal infections
Numerous studies have shown that diarrheal infections are much more common in formula-fed babies. This is true throughout the world, despite a common misconception that only people living in areas with contaminated water need be concerned with this issue. Such infections are more likely to be fatal in developing nations, but all formula-fed infants are at greater risk than their breastfed peers.
Kovar MG, Serdula MK, Marks JS, et al. "Review of the epidemiologic evidence for an association between infant feeding and infant health." Pediatrics. 1984:74:S615-S638
Dewey KG, Heinig MJ, Nommsen-Rivers LA. Differences in morbidity between breast-fed. "Differences in morbidity between breast-fed and formula-fed infants." Pediatr. 1995;126:696-702
Howie PW, Forsyth JS, Ogston SA, et al. "Protective effect of breast feeding against infection." Br Med J. 1990;300:11-16
Popkin BM, Adair L, Akin JS, et al. "Breast-feeding and diarrheal morbidity." Pediatrics. 1990;86:874-882
Beaudry M, Dufour R, Marcoux S. "Relation Between infant feeding and infections during the first six months of life." J Pediatr. 1995; 126:191-197
Breastfeeding protects baby against bacterial meningitis
Meningitis is an infection which causes the inflammation of the membrane covering the brain and spinal cord. It can be caused by a type of bacteria called Hemophilus influenzae type b (HiB). Breastfeeding is protective against infections caused by this bacteria, and the meningitis which may result.
Cochi SL, Fleming DW, Hightower AW, et al. "Primary invasive Haemophilus influenzae type b disease: a population-based assessment of risk factors." J Pediatr. 1986;108:997-896
Istre GR, Conner JS, Broome CV, et al. "Risk factors for primary invasive Haemophilus influenzae disease: increased risk from day care attendance and school-aged household members." J Pediatr. 1985;106:190-198
Breastfeeding protects baby against respiratory infections
These include "infections caused by rotaviruses and respiratory syncytial viruses."
Grover M et al "Effect of human milk prostaglandins and lactoferrin on respiratory syncytial virus and rotavirus" Acta Paediatr. 1997; 86: 315-316
"Breastfed babies were less than half as likely to be hospitalized with pneumonia or bronchiolitis."
Piscane A, et al "Breastfeeding and acute lower respiratory infections" Acta Paediatr. 1994; 83: 714-718
"Breastfed babies had one-fifth the number of lower respiratory tract infections compared to formula-fed infants."
Cunningham, Allan S. MD "Breastfeeding, Bottle-feeding and Illness - An Annotated Bibliography", 1996.
Frank Al, Taber LH, Glezen WP, et al. "Breast-feeding and respiratory virus infection." Pediatrics 1982;70:239-245
Wright AI, Holberg DJ, Martinez FD, et al. " Breast feeding and lower respiratory tract illness in the first year of life." Br Med J. 1989;299:935-949
Chen Y. "Synergistic effect of passive smoking and artificial feeding on hospitalization for respiratory illness in early childhood." Chest. 1989;95:1004-1007
Wright AL, Holberg CH, Taussig LM, et al. "Relationship of infant feeding to recurrent wheezing at age 6 years." Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 1995;149:758-763
Formula fed babies have a higher risk of developing certain childhood cancers
In a study done by researchers at the University of Minnesota it was found that babies who were breast fed for at least one month had a 21% less chance of getting leukemia than formula fed babies. The risk was 30% for children breast fed for 6 months.
"Breastfeeding May Lower Risk For Leukemia In Children", c. 1999, Mediconsult.com
Davis MK, Savitz DA, Graubard BI. "Infant feeding and childhood cancer." Lancet. 1988;2:365-368
Shu X-O, Clemens H, Zheng W, et al. "Infant breastfeeding and the risk of childhood lymphoma and leukemia". Int J Epidemiol. 1995;24:27-32
Breastfeeding decreases chances of juvenile rheumatoid arthritis
Preliminary data from U. of North Carolina/Duke University researchers indicates breastfed children were only 40% as likely to develop JA.
"Mother's Milk: An Ounce of Prevention?" Arthritis Today May-June 1994
Breastfeeding decreases child's chances of contracting Hodgkins disease
Hodgkins disease is a type of lymphoma, or cancer of the lymph system. It can develop in children, although it is less likely to do so in children who were breastfed as infants.
"An Exploratory Study of Environmental and Medical Factors Potentially Related to Childhood Cancer." Medical & Pediatric Oncology, 1991; 19(2):115-21
Breastfeeding protects baby against vision defects
In a study in Bangladesh, breastfeeding was a protective factor for night blindness among preschool-aged children in both rural and urban areas. Breast milk is generally the main, if not the only source, of vitamin A during a child's first 24 months of life (or for the duration of breastfeeding).
Bloem, M. et al. "The role of universal distribution of vitamin A capsules in combating vitamin A deficiency in Bangladesh.: Am J Epidemiol 1995; 142(8): 843-55
Birch E, et al. "Breastfeeding and optimal visual development." J Pediatr Ophthalmol Strabismus 1993;30:33-8
Breastfeeding decreases chances of osteoporosis
According to the studies below, both breastfeeding mothers and their children will be less at risk for development of this disease.
The odds that a woman with osteoporosis did not breastfeed her baby was 4 times higher than for a control woman.
Blaauw, R. et al. "Risk factors for development of osteoporosis in a South African population." SAMJ 1994; 84:328-32
Dr. Alan Lucas, MRC Childhood Nutrition Research Center of London, found that 8-year-olds who were fed formula rather than breast fed as infants, had less developed bone mineralization than those fed breast milk.
"Bone mineral density decreases during lactation, but after weaning showed higher bone mineral density than those who did not breastfeed."
Kalwart HJ and Specker BL "Bone mineral loss during lactation and recovery after weaning." Obstet. Gynecol. 1995; 86:26-32
Melton LJ, Bryant SC, Wahner HW, et al. "Influence of breastfeeding and other reproductive factors on bone mass later in life." Osteoporos Int. 1993;22:684-691
Cumming RG, Klineberg RJ. "Breastfeeding and other reproductive factors and the risk of hip fractures in elderly woman." Int J Epidemiol 1993;22:684-691
Breast milk is aids in proper intestinal development
"...certain hormones in milk (such as cortisol) and smaller proteins (including epidermal growth factor, nerve growth factor, insulin-like growth factor and somatomedin C) act to close up the leaky mucosal lining of the newborn, making it relatively impermeable to unwanted pathogens and other potentially harmful agents. Indeed, animal studies have demonstrated that postnatal development of the intestine occurs faster in animals fed their mother's milk. And animals that also receive colostrum, containing the highest concentrations of epidermal growth factor, mature even more rapidly."
Newman, J, MD, FRCPC "How Breast milk Protects Newborns" http://www.promom.org/bf_info/sci_am.htm
Cows milk is an intestinal irritant
According to Dr. William Sears, MD, cow's milk should not be given as a beverage to infants under one year of age. "Cow's milk can irritate the lining of your infant's intestines, causing tiny losses of iron. This can contribute to iron-deficiency anemia."
The Baby Book - Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby From Birth to Age Two. c. 1993 Little, Brown & Co.
Formula-fed babies are more at risk for obesity in later life
A recent German study concluded "in industrialized countries, promoting prolonged breastfeeding may help decrease the prevalence of obesity in childhood. Since obese children have a high risk of becoming obese adults, such preventative measures may eventually result in reduction in the prevalence of cardiovascular diseases and other disease related to obesity." The study found that 4.5% of formula fed children are obese, while only 0.8% of breastfed children have this condition.
von Kries, R et al, "Breastfeeding and obesity: cross sectional study." BMJ 1999; 319:147-150 (July 17)
Breastfed babies have less chance of cardiopulmonary distress while feeding
Bottle-fed babies are at increased risk of cardiopulmonary disturbances, including prolonged airway closure and obstructed respiratory breaths due to repeated swallowing.
Koenig HS, Davies Am, Thach BT. "Coordination of breathing, sucking and swallowing during bottle feedings in human infants." J Appl Physiol 69: 1629: 1623-1629, 1990.
Infants can experience oxygen saturation below 90% when bottle feeding. Nine of 50 healthy term infants in one study experienced bradycardia during bottle feeding. Six of these episodes were preceded by apnea, three showed hypopnea (marked reduction in ventilation) and one had certral apnea (no respiratory efforts).
Matthew O, Clark ML, Ponske MH. Apnea, bradycardia, and cyanosis during oral feeding in term neonates." J Pediatr 106:857, 1985
Breastfed babies have less chance of developing ulcerative colitis
Ulcerative colitis is a chronic inflammatory bowel disease that causes ulceration and inflammation of the inner lining of the colon and rectum. A number of studies have shown that breastfed babies are less likely to develop this disease.
Whorwell PJ, et al., "Bottle-feeding, Early Gastroenteritis, and inflammatory Bowel Disease." British Med. Jour. 1 (1979):382
Rigas A, Rigas B, Blassman M, et al. "Breast-feeding and maternal smoking in the etiology of Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis in childhood." Ann Epidemiol. 1993;3387-392
Breast milk protects against hemophilus b. bacteria
Hemophilus influenzae type b is a bacteria which can grow in the respiratory tract with no symptoms, but may spread into the throat, ears or blood and cause grave illness. Breastfed babies are much less vulnerable to such an overgrowth.
Cochi SL, Fleming DW, Hightower AW, et al. "Primary invasive Haemophilus influenzae type b disease: a population-based assessment of risk factors." J Pediatr. 1986;108:997-896
Takala AK, Eskola J, Palmgren J, et al. "Risk factors of invasive Haemophilus influenzae type b disease among children in Finland. J Pediatr. 1980;115:695-701
Istre GR, Conner JS, Broome CV, et al. "Risk factors for primary invasive Haemophilus influenzae disease: increased risk from day care attendance and school-aged household members." J Pediatr. 1985;106:190-198
Breastfed babies require shorter pre and post-surgical fasting
Breastfeeding may continue until three hours before arrival time at the hospital in healthy children having elective surgery.
Schreiner, M.S. "Preoperative and Postoperative fasting in children." Ped Clinics N Amer 41 (1); 111-20 (1994)
Breastfeeding results in less sick days for parents
Since breastfed babies are statistically healthier than their formula fed peers, the parents of breastfed babies spend less time out of work taking care of sick children.
Breastfeeding enhances vaccine effectiveness
Breastfed infants showed better serum and secretory responses to oral and parenteral vaccines than those formula-fed.
Han-Zoric, M., "Antibody responses to parenteral and oral vaccines are impaired by conventional and low protein formulas as compared to breastfeeding." Acta Paediatr Scand 1990; 79:1137-42
Breastfed babies have less chance of developing necrotizing enterocolitis
This disease occurs most commonly in premature or sick newborns. In NEC the lining of the intestinal wall dies and sloughs off. Premature infants fed their own mother's milk or banked human milk are one sixth to one tenth as likely to develop NEC. An Australian study has estimated that 83% of NEC cases may be attributed to lack of breastfeeding.
Drane, D. "Breastfeeding and formula feeding: a preliminary economic analysis" Breastfeed Rev 1997; 5:7-15
Lucas A, Cole TJ. "Breast milk and neonatal necrotizing enterocolitis." Lancet. 1990; 336:519-1523
Convert RF, Barman N, Comanico RS, et al. "Prior enteral nutrition with human milk protects against intestinal perforation in infants who develop necrotizing enterocolitis." Pediatr Res. 1995; 37:305A. Abstract
Breastfeeding is a natural contraceptive
This is true only if you are exclusively breastfeeding, and have not yet gotten your period back following childbirth. Night nursing encourages longer amenorrhoea (periodlessness). If you really don't want to get pregnant again, use some back up birth control even if you haven't gotten your period again. Unless you are carefully following a natural family planning program, you will have no way of knowing when your first ovulation will occur, and by the time you figure it out you may be expecting! Still, generally speaking, breastfeeding contributes to optimum child spacing.
Kennedy KI, Visness CM. "Contraceptive efficacy of lactational amenorrhoea." Lancet. 1992; 339:227-230
Gray RH, Campbell OM, Apelo R, et al. "Risk of ovulation during lactation." Lancet. 1990; 335:25-29
Labbock MH, Colie C. "Puerperium and breast-feeding." Curr Opin Obstet Gynecol. 1992; 4:818-825
Breastfeeding is easier than using formula
After the initial start up period, breastfeeding is very easy. All you have to do is raise your shirt and let the little one latch on. No shopping for formula, bottles, and other supplies. No mixing, heating, refrigerating and cleaning up of formula. If you sleep with your baby, or sleep the baby next to your bed, you can forget about all the disturbing night time rituals associated with formula use. All you have to do is roll over, let the baby latch on, and go back to sleep!
Breast milk is free
Any way you look at it, you'll spend a lot more money if you choose to formula feed. The added calories a nursing mother must take in are a negligible expense, and nursing clothes are optional. If you need to pump, excellent pumps are available for between $50 and $225. A good pump can be used for more than one child, so they are really an investment. Do be sure to buy a pump manufactured by a company specializing in their manufacture. Beware of pumps made by formula companies. Many woman report these pumps to be inefficient at best, and painful at worst.
Formula is expensive
The cost of feeding a baby on formula for one year was estimated to be around $1000 in 1990. It has certainly gotten more expensive since. If you factor in the added medical cost you are statistically likely to incur, that brings the cost up to around $2,300 per year. If your baby happens to require a hypo-allergenic formula, you will have to considerably more.
Batten W. Hirschman J. Thomas C. Impact of the special supplemental food program on infants. J Pediatr 117 II:SIOI-109, 1990
Formula costs the government (and taxpayers) millions of dollars
The U.S. government spends over $500 million a year to provide formula for its WIC supplemental food program.
Batten W. Hirschman J. Thomas C. Impact of the special supplemental food program on infants. J Pediatr 117 II:SIOI-109, 1990
Breast milk is always the right temperature
Severe burns to babies' mouths have occurred due to improper heating of artificial milks. Even when it's done correctly, it's never fun to try to warm a bottle for a fussing baby.
Breast milk always has the right proportions of fat, carbohydrates and protein
Formula companies are constantly adjusting these proportions looking for the best composition. The reality is that a mother's milk composition changes from feeding to feeding depending on the needs of her child. No formula can do that!
Breast milk acts like a natural tranquilizer for baby
Mother's milk contains chemicals that seem to work like "knock-out drops" for tired babies. Even if baby doesn't fall asleep, he/she will certainly calm down and become more agreeable. If you choose to breastfeed into toddlerhood, you may find that the "terrible twos" never materialize.
Breastfeeding acts like a natural tranquilizer for mom
Nursing mothers often joke about falling asleep on the job. The sleep inducing qualities of nursing a baby are remarkable. In fact, new mothers have to be careful to hold a nursing baby in such a way that they will not drop the child when they inevitably nod off. Nursing in bed is a great solution. Even pumping at work can be a great way to calm down and get refocused during a stressful day. All this relaxation is caused by the hormone oxytocin, which is released each time a mother breastfeeds. It decreases blood pressure and clams the mother. Interestingly, one study found that there were far fewer incidences of domestic violence and sexual abuse in breastfeeding families.
Acheston, L, "Family violence and breastfeeding" Arch. Fam. Med. 1995, 4:650-652
Breast milk tastes better than formula
Human breast milk is remarkably sweet and light. Formula is pasty and bland. Which would you rather eat?
Breastfed babies are healthier over-all
Kaiser Permanente, one of the largest HMOs in the U.S. recently conducted internal research to determine the value of the company lactation support program. This research found that breastfed babies had many health advantages over formula-fed babies, including better over-all health.
(Kaiser Permanente: Internal research to determine benefits of sponsoring an official lactation program)
Breastfed babies are less likely to die before their third birthday
Not only are breastfed babies less liekly to contract life-threatening diseases, they are better able to combat any illnesses that may develop.
Van Den Bogaard, C. "Relationship Between Breast Feeding in Early Childhood and Morbidity in a general Population."Fan Med, 1991; 23:510-515
Breastfed babies require fewer doctor visits
Since breastfed babies are statistically healthier, they see the doctor less often.
(Kaiser Permanente: Internal research to determine benefits of sponsoring an official lactation program)
Breastfeeding mothers spend less time and money on doctor visits
In 1995 Kaiser-Permanente Health Maintenance Organization in North Carolina found that formula-fed babies averaged over $1,400 more per year in additional health care costs than breastfed infants.
(Kaiser Permanente: Internal research to determine benefits of sponsoring an official lactation program)
Fewer waste packaging products
No wrappers, canisters, disposable bottles etc...
"If every child in America were bottle-fed, almost 86,000 tons of tin would be needed to produce 550 million cans for one year's worth of formula. If every mother in Great Britain breastfed, 3000 tons of paper (used for formula labels) would be saved in a year. But formula is not the only problem. Bottles and nipples require plastic, glass, rubber, and silicon; production of these materials can be resource-intensive and often leads to end-products that are not-recyclable. All these products use natural resources, cause pollution in their manufacture and distribution and create trash in their packaging, promotion, and disposal."
"Mother Nature Loves Breastmilk" D. Michels, Pub. various periodicals, available on Internet at http://members.aol.com/diamichels/greenbm.htm
No bottles to tote
Unless you're pumping and transporting the milk for later. Even then there are fewer bottles to deal with.
Less cow induced global greenhouse gasses
Ridiculous as it may sound, bovine flatulence is a huge contributor to the greenhouse gas problem. Aside from producing vast quantities of methane, cows also contribute their manure and urine to our rivers and ground water.
No need to refrigerate
Of course, breast milk stays fresh because it's made on demand. Even pumped breast milk keeps for a long time outside of the fridge.
Medela guidelines for storing breast milk: http://www.medela.com
Cows milk is designed for baby cows
Human milk contains completely different proportions of protein, fat, carbohydrates. Cows milk is designed to help put on weight quickly, grow amazingly fast, and develop only as much brain power as a cow needs. The natural hormones in cows milk are geared toward cows, not humans. The fact that human beings can even drink the milk of another species in sort of amazing when you stop to think about it.
Human milk is designed for baby humans
Baby cows probably wouldn't do very well on it. It's designed to build brains, and to foster gradual physical growth.
Natural pain relief for baby
Breast milk actually contains chemicals that suppress pain (endorphins). Aside from this, the comfort a baby derives from being held close and suckling is remarkable. Many a bruise or scrape has been soothed away almost instantly by a few moments of nursing. If you choose to have your child vaccinated, it is a good idea to nurse immediately after he/she receives a vaccination. This soothes the hurt, as well as enhancing the vaccine's effectiveness.
Perfect food for sick baby
When a formula fed baby gets a gastrointestinal ailment they are usually put on an artificial electrolyte solution because formula is too hard for them to digest. Breast milk, however, is easily digested, and soothing to the intestines, so there is no need for artificial and expensive electrolyte solutions. If a baby gets a respiratory illness, formula may cause even more mucus. In contrast, breast milk contains antibodies to these ailments, as well as being highly digestible and not contributing to excess mucous formation.
More sleep for mom
Especially if she sleeps with baby, but even if she doesn't. No bottles to prepare and warm. Less time comforting a crying baby suffering from gas and allergies.
More sleep for baby
A baby that gets its night time needs met quickly is more likely to get right back to sleep than a baby who has to wait for a bottle while crying and swallowing air.
More sleep for dad
Again, even if he helps with baby burping, diapering, and baby toting, there are no bottles to deal with. Also, breastfed babies tend to need much less burping after the first few months.
Less equipment to maintain and store
Those bottles, measuring devices, sterilizing equipment and other gadgets take up valuable shelf space and they all require cleaning.
Less equipment to buy
If you don't need or want to pump your milk, you will not need to purchase a single thing: your body has all the equipment build-in. Even if you do have to buy a pump and the basic bottle kit, the savings in cost of formula and additional medical attention make breastfeeding financially well worth trying.
Breast milk has never been recalled
Formula has been, sometimes after causing injury or death. There were 22 "significant" recalls of formula including 7 potentially life threatening situations.
Babbit, V, "FDA Recalls Baby Formula, 1998", Breastfeeding.com, Inc.
Fresh breast milk is never contaminated with bacteria
In fact, it has antibacterial properties.
No need to worry about which brand is better
Each artificial breast milk formula is different from all its competitors, but none of them come close to duplicating the real thing. It can be very stressful for formula feeding mothers to try to determine which brand is the best of the lot. No matter which formula is used "it is increasingly apparent that infant formula can never duplicate human milk. Human milk contains living cells, hormones, active enzymes, immunoglobulins and compounds with unique structures that cannot be replicated in infant formula."
(Quoted from FDA pediatric-nutrition researchers at Abbott Laboratories, writing in March, 1994 issue of Endocrine Regulations.)
No need to worry about adding contaminated water
Even in the U.S. our water can contain dangerous elements like arsenic, lead and aluminum. These contaminants can become concentrated if water is boiled to sterilize it before being added to formula.
Breastfeeding helps reduce cruelty to farm animals
Less use of cow's milk equals fewer cows equals less opportunity for animal abuse.
Facilitates proper dental and jaw development
"Suckling at the breast is good for a baby's tooth and jaw development. Babies at the breast have to use as much as 60 times more energy to get food than do those drinking from a bottle...As [the babies jaw] muscles are strenuously exercised in suckling, their constant pulling encourages the growth of well-formed jaws and straight, healthy teeth."
The Complete Book Of Breastfeeding M.S. Eiger. MD, S. Wendkos Olds, Copyright 1972, 1987 Comstock, Inc., Workman Publishing Co., Inc., 708 Broadway, New York, NY 10003
"Among breastfed infants, the longer the duration of nursing the lower the incidents of malocclusion."
Labbok, M.H. "Does Breastfeeding Protect against Malocclusion? An Analysis of the 1981 Child Health Supplement to the National Health Interview Survey" American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 1987
Breastfed babies get fewer cavities
Breast milk contains bacteria fighting cells that may help kill the bacteria that cause tooth decay. Furthermore, bottle-fed babies "are at increased risk for baby bottle caries, a destructive dental condition which occurs when a baby is put to bed with a bottle containing formula, milk, juice or other fluids high in carbohydrates. Extensive dental repair may be required at a cost of thousands of dollars." Furthermore, breast milk contains bacteria fighting cells that may help kill the bacteria that cause tooth decay.
Loesche WJ, "Nutrition and dental decay in infants." Am J Clin Nutr 41; 423-435, 1985
Lucas, A, Cole T, "Is Breast Feeding a Likely Cause of Dental Caries in young Children?" Journal of American Dental Assoc., 1979; 98:21-23
Less money spent on corrective orthodontia
The longer you breastfeed, the more likely the babies teeth will come in properly. If the teeth come in straight, there's no need to fix them.
Better speech development
Tongue thrust problems often develop among bottle-fed babies as they try to slow down the flow of milk coming from the artificial nipple. This can lead to speech problems, as well as "mouth breathing, lip biting, gum disease, and a generally unattractive appearance."
The Complete Book Of Breastfeeding M.S. Eiger. MD, S. Wendkos Olds, Copyright 1972, 1987 Comstock, Inc., Workman Publishing Co., Inc. 708 Broadway, New York, NY 10003
Broad, Frances E., "The Effects of Infant Feeding on Speech Quality." New Zealand Medical Journal, 1976; 76:28-31
Less chance of baby getting eczema
"We conclude that breastfeeding is prophylactic against atopic disease (eczema), the effect extending into early adulthood. Breastfeeding for longer than 1 month without other milk supplements offers significant prophylaxis against food allergy at 3 years of age, and also against respiratory allergy at 17 years of age. Six months of breastfeeding is required to prevent eczema during the first 3 years, and possibly also to prevent substantial atopy in adolescence." The differences by infant feeding method were so pronounced that they "suggested an influence of early milk feeding that may exceed the heredity burden.
Saarinen UM, Kajosaari M. "Breastfeeding as prophylaxis against atopic disease: prospective follow-up study until 17 years of age." Lancet. 1995; 346:1065-69.
Eczema was less common and milder in babies who were breast fed (22%) and whose Mothers were on a restricted diet (48%). In infants fed casein hydrolysate, soymilk, or cows milk, 21%, 63% and 70% respectively, developed atopic eczema.
Chandra R.K., "Influence of Maternal Diet During Lactation and the Use of Formula Feed an Development of Atopic Eczema in the High Risk Infants". Br Med J. 1989
Breastfed babies have great skin
You don't have to refer to the many studies showing that breastfed babies have less eczema and fewer rashes. Check out the skin of a breastfed baby and see what you think.
Less gastrointestinal reflux (Spit-up)
Breastfed neonates demonstrate gastroesophageal reflux episodes of significantly shorter duration that formula fed neonates.
Heacock, H.J. "Influence of Breast vs Formula Milk in Physiologic Gastroesophageal Reflux in Healthy Newborn Infants". Jour. Pediatr Gastroenterol Nutr, 1992 January; 14(1): 41-6
Easier to clean spit-up stains
O.K. This is only based on a casual survey of a lot of breastfeeding mothers. We notice that the hand-me-down clothes we receive from bottle-fed babies have nasty brown staining all over the collars and fronts. Our breastfed babies never seemed to create these sorts of spit-up stains. In fact, after the first month or so, they don't spit up much anyway. How many newborn breastfed babies do you see wearing bibs all the time?
Breast milk contains no genetically engineered materials
Most consumers are completely unaware of how much genetically engineered food they are consuming because the U.S. government does not require this food to be labeled as such. Genetic ID, a company in Fairfield, Iowa, tested four soy-based baby formulas for genetically engineered ingredients. All four, Carnation Alsoy, Similac Neocare, Isomil and Enfamil Prosobee, tested positive.
(See "Biotechnology's Bounty", M.Burros, N.Y. Times 05/21/97
Breast Milk contains no synthetic growth hormones
Since many cows in the U.S. are now routinely ingesting synthetic growth hormones to artificially increase their milk production, it stands to reason that these hormones are also getting into the U.S. formulas.
Lack of breastfeeding associated with multiple sclerosis in later life
Although thought to be multifactorial in origin, and without a clearly defined etiology, lack of breastfeeding does appear to be associated with an increased incidence of multiple sclerosis.
Dick, G. "The Etiology of Multiple Sclerosis." Proc Roy Soc Med 1989;69;611-5
Less chance of inguinal hernia
The inguinal canal brings down the spermatic cord and certain vessels to the groin area . A hernia is a defect in the opening where these things pass through from the abdomen to the groin because the canal opening gets too big or tears off. The hernia allows abdominal contents to get down into the groin area.
Breastfeeding is protective against inguinal hernias. For unknown reasons breastfed babies experience significantly fewer of them. Human milk contains gonadotropin releasing hormone, which may affect the maturation of neonatal testicular function. One recent case control study showed breastfed infants had a significant dose response reduction in inguinal hernia.
Pisacane, A. "Breast-feeding and inguinal hernia" Journal of Pediatrics 1995: Vol 127, No. 1, pp 109-111
Better cognitive development
In 771 low birth weight infants, babies whose mothers chose to provide breast milk had an 8 point advantage in mean Bayley's mental developmental index over infants of mothers choosing not to do so.
Morley, R., "Mothers Choice to provide Breast Milk and Developmental Outcome". Arch Dis Child, 1988
Better social development
The psychomotor and social development of breastfed babies clearly differs from that of bottle fed ones and leads at the age of 12 months to significant advantages of the psychomotor and social capabilities.
Baumgartner, C.,"Psychomotor and Social Development of Breast Fed and Bottle Fed babies During their First year of Life". Acta Paediatrica Hungarica, 1984
Decreased risk of baby developing urinary tract infections
(Kaiser Permanente: Internal research to determine benefits of sponsoring an official lactation program)
Suckling optimizes hand-to-eye coordination
Baumgartner, C., "Psychomotor and Social Development of Breast Fed and Bottle Fed babies During their First year of Life". Acta Paediatrica Hungarica 1984; 25(4): 409-17
Protects mothers against anemia (iron deficiency)
Since many exclusively breastfeeding mothers do not begin to menstruate for a year or longer their iron stores are not depleted by monthly bleeding during this time.
Less money spent on menstrual supplies for mom
Many breastfeeding moms do not begin to menstruate again until 14 or more months after giving birth. " Multiply this by the four million US births each year to see that over one billion sanitary products annually could be kept out of our nation's landfills and sewers. To compound the scenario, because breast milk is absorbed by babies more efficiently, breastfed babies excrete less and thus require fewer diaper changes than formula-fed babies."
"Mother Nature Loves Breastmilk" D. Michels, Pub. various periodicals, available on Internet at http://members.aol.com/diamichels/greenbm.htm
Self confidence booster for mom
There is nothing more amazing than looking at a plump six month old baby and knowing that the only nutrition this happy little creature has received has come from your own body.
Breast milk may help combat eye infections
Breast milk contains natural antibiotic qualities, and many mothers swear that a squirt in the irritated eye of their baby has cleared up the problem in short order.
Breast milk may be a good natural antibiotic for wounds
No one is suggesting you throw away that tube of triple antibiotic cream just yet, but bacteria cannot survive long in fresh breast milk. Some mothers swear it helps prevent scrapes and scratches from getting infected.
No worry about latest ingredient discovered to be missing from formula
"Formula" is really a formula for synthetic human milk. There is no real formula that can duplicate human milk because, as the FDA recognized in a recent statement, "...the exact chemical makeup of breast milk is still unknown."
"Formula-fed infants depend on products which can be quite different from each other, but which are continually being found deficient in essential nutrients... These nutrients are then added, usually after damage has occurred in infants or overwhelming market pressure forces the issue."
M. Walker, R.N., International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, The Journal of Human Lactation, Sept 1993
Much nicer diaper changes
The bowel movements of breastfed babies smell mild and inoffensive. The same can not be said about those of formula fed babies. Try changing a few formula fed babies if you are uncertain about wanting to try breastfeeding!
Breastfed babies smell fantastic
No scientific study needed here. There is something almost magical about the scent of your own breastfed baby, whether you're the mother or father involved. Try it, you'll like it!
It's what breasts were designed for!
This information is furnished to you by Leslie Burby and ProMoM, Inc. as a public service. It is in no way intended as medical advice, or meant to replace the services of a licensed medical professional.
Spread the word! Link to this page using one of our 101 reasons to breastfeed buttons.
Unless stated otherwise, all materials © 1998-2002 ProMoM, Inc. All rights reserved. Site design by Bianco Hopkins & Assoc., Inc.